> Hazardous
material
WANTING to amuse me with a sexist puzzle, my friend Divina
Valenciano-Acker from faraway Massachusetts, USA, sent an email to
warn me of a hazardous material that by any chance may have caught
my fancy.
This material, a fatal element, as described on a “Hazardous
Materials Data Sheet” has an average atomic mass of 55 kilograms,
but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg.
Its physical properties include a body surface that is normally
covered with film of powder and paint; it boils at absolutely
nothing and freezes for no apparent reason. Moreover, it is found
in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore.
Chemically, it reacts well to gold, platinum and all precious
stones. Beware, because it explodes spontaneously without reason
or warning but is considered to be the most powerful money
reducing agent known to man.
This element which has since been there in the long human history
of conquests and foibles is known to be highly ornamental,
especially in today’s sports cars. It is proven to aid relaxation
and can be a very effective cleansing agent.
Be warned further that this hazardous material turns green when
placed alongside a superior specimen and possession of more than
one is possible but specimens must never make eye contact, else
you will never know what will happen next.
Do you know what this element is? If you don’t, then you’re a dumb
son of Adam.
GRITTY WOMAN
By keeping firm on the decision of the Management Committee of the
Department of Education to award the hosting of this year’s
Palarong Pambansa to Naga City based on merits, OIC DepEd
Secretary Fe Hidalgo showed us her true grit and good sense,
notwithstanding the fact that she has yet to pass through the eye
of the needle when she submits herself to a solon-infested
Commission on Appointments for confirmation as full-fledged member
of the President’s Cabinet. By standing her ground, despite the
much-ballyhooed opposition by House Speaker Jose de Venecia, the
most powerful man in the Lower Chamber of Congress which is
notoriously known for wheeling and dealing, maverick Fe Hidalgo
spared herself a frightening trip through a mind-boggling maze of
influence-peddling and back-stabbing that traditionally attend
even a supposedly apolitical move of choosing a host LGU for the
nation’s biggest scholastic sports event.
Had poor Hidalgo dilly-dallied to wait for signs from the powers
that be (politicians like De Venecia and his ilk in Congress)
before finally lifting a finger on whom to award the hosting, she
would have found herself harassed by other LGUs who were just as
glad (never mind if they weren’t ready or did not have the
competence) to host the games even if it would mean pooh-poohing
Mancom’s earlier recommendation. Then she would find herself
burning the wires or running around the turfs of displeased LGUs
to beg them not to begrudge her after favoring a loser-bidder at
the behest of the House Speaker who wanted the City of Puerto
Princesa, by all means, to be it.
Because Naga won the bidding fair and square, we did not hear
cries of protest from sportsmanlike fellow bidders Marikina and
Palayan City, much less from Puerto Princesa which, however, chose
to use the backdoor in cajoling de Venecia to do a last-ditch,
nay, underhanded effort to twist the arms of OIC Secretary
Hidalgo. It would have been unexplainable if DepEd’s Mancom chose
Puerto Princesa despite its defective track oval and other costly
deficiencies. Why not Marikina? Or Palayan? Such questions would
have nagged Secretary Hidalgo to no end if she abided with de
Venecia’s whim.
But Hidalgo proved to be a woman deserving to head a department
that teaches good manners, fair play, courage, and prudence as
opposed to de Venecia’s turf which is infamously known for poll
cheating, bribe-taking, influence-peddling, and all the crimes
that the so-called lawmakers supposedly have legislated against.
VASELINE MAN
Before I close, let me share with you the following joke that I
got from US-based classmate Angel Israel:
A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15
years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside,
he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and
ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner’s wife to the bed,
the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and
goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!
He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman
in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t
resist, don’t complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no
matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very
dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey.
I love you!” His wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was
whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re
cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the
bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!”
